Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to make out with him forever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
