I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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