Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
