Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
