how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
