So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
