i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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