dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
