so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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