You're my little dorito
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
