Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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