I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I did not marry a roomba.
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