Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
