He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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