Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
