I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize