He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
