can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
