Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
