I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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