I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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