I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
