I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
where am i from again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
