I'm going to jail i love you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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