Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
