Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
