So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
