What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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