and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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