i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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