Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
