Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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