super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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