I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
