Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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