Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize