Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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