im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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