i already hear my dad disowning me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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