You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
