I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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