Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
