Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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