like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
