Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize