lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
