Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
