My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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