I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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