Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
