This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
