I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
