he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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