She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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