I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
