whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
