yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
