I don't usually arrange sex via text message
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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