so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
