I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
