I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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