i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
